life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
