how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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