Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
