My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
