i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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