Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
