Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
