so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And then my night got REAL pukey
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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