I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
