I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
