apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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