Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
