Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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