Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
