They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
