The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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