A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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