He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
