I think im going to throw up on grandma
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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