Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
