I seem to have left my pride at pride
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
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I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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