Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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