So drunk its hurt
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
