I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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