If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
