I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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