He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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