My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
