that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
