all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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