you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
