but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
