After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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