why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
