weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize