wakey wakey hands off snakey
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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