Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I have demons in me.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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