You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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