Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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