I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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