Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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