I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
