Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
