I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
