Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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