and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
