Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
