we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
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