my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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