Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
