Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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