I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
