Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
