dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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