I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
