i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
