Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
