Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
