Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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