She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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