I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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