have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
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If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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